I CAN MOONWALK!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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