I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
