I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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