Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
