It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
