i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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