How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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