was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
