worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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