He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
