Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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