Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
