Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
