4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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