My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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