it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
