remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
