My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize