haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need moral support for this bender
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
