Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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