He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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