Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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