i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
