your thong is hanging out like whoa
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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