sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
