How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
