So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
