Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
