Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
