Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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