# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
