and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
