He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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