is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
