Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
