i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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