he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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