in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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