YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
