don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
