After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
