oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
