Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
