This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize