Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
