awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
