Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
