i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We got so high we made milksteak
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize