NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am one with the molecules
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
