woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
