In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
