just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
