Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
