ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
