nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize