I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
