My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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