Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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