Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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