you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
