Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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