I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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