I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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