i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
