We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
