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FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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