I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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