Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just pee around me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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