No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
