Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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