Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
