Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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