and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
