I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
