It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
