She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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