I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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