just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
