maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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