Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
