Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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