I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
