I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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