Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
