So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
