Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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