Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sext me about skeletons
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
