the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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