Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
