doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
