Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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