If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
