i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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