hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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