Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
