If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
