Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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