Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
