they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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