if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
