I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
