We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
