i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
